Crave (Tribute to a dead writer and a living man)

I want to learn how to make perfect coffee in your tiny coffeemaker and hug you from the back when you cook tomatoes with mozzarella although you will insist I have to sit down and I want to go trough all the souvenirs from your shelf that you bought around the world and which remind me of my own although the they are not the same and play chess and highlight the fact that the first time we played I put you in check first and I want to make you angry and then have to work hard on "dis-angrying" you for ages because you have your head low and say you're not a machine and cannot get happy by pressing a button and if I hurt you I hurt you and you don't want to smile but in the end you do and then I smile too and then it's all good and I want to count the moles from your back and go to trendy bars and see you enjoy seeing other men look at me and I want to drink your tea from Russia or my tea from China and change books with you and let you choose my food sometimes because I feel overwhelmed by the variety of huge menus and go out the house wearing our stupid Soviet military outfit knowing people will stare at us and you will say it's like Carnival although it's not and I want to interrupt you while you speak because I do it all the time and say "sorry" then and try to wake you up in the night to make love knowing you will answer you need a bit more sleep and we will only fuck in the morning and I want you to talk badly about the job in the office and feel you still like it after all and hear you say you're trapped like a hamster but see you laugh while saying it too and just look at you when you cannot see me so that I can catch a glimpse of what I think is your soul and set Christmas decorations all over the house and show you my poems and my photos and hear you say they are the best although they might not and I want to bite cherry tomatoes with you and bite your lips while and have a bad time because you shout "blowjob" in restaurants and bars just to make me feel embarrassed and plan a trip somewhere far and look at you like I was licking you with my eyes until I make you feel uncomfortable and I want you to tell me about your sister and your dad and your mum and how much you love them and how they get you on your nerves too and tell you about my mum too and let you find a solution for every problem I have and find myself a solution for everything which bothers you and let you tell terrible jokes and laugh at them because they're funny and buy candles and spread them all around the room and say "surprise" and I want to make you get scared from time to time because it's funny to see you jump and curse and I want to tell you dirty things in Spanish and hear you answer them in Italian and wear one of your old T-shirts as a pyjamas and sing aloud in your car and write you letters and make a scarf for you and rest my head on your chest so that I can listen to your laugh from inside you and let you know that this type of writing is called "interior monologue" and that it surprised the public and critics in the 20th century although you may already know it and let you also know that this piece of shit is inspired in a text by Sarah Kane that reminds me of us although you might already know that too and I want to tell you how much I like you and mention little things you do and are amazing because you feel so special when I do so and maybe tell you I love you one day and hear you saying that home is wherever I am and make the impossible turn possible and be romantic with you because romantic is the only way to be with you and really be with you because the distance is gone and feel we will never lose each other because you cannot lose a part of yourself